Summer Blues

Aug 5, 2013

I’ve got the summer time blues. I should be energized, relaxing with my kids by the pool or at the beach, but I have been dragging my heals to everything these past four weeks. I think part of the problem is due to the dreary summer weather we had and the sinus infections and ear infections that went around our house. But I also think part of the problem is me. I am in a slump.

My book released and there was so much enthusiasm and hope that the message would change the world and motivate more people to actively engage in the fight against human trafficking. I knew in my mind that injustice simply isn’t turned on its head because of passionate truth-telling words. I knew in my mind that my book was simply an offering of what I had and that one book, one person, two passionate mothers could not take on the global evil of modern day slavery. But as I sit in my backyard watching my puppy sniff and search for a good piece of grass to dig up, I must admit, my heart still hoped it would. The book is still selling well and its message is getting out, but the excitement has waned and reality is sinking in.  I know, I know, I know that one person, two people, even a group of mama bears cannot with their words, with their money, with their time, with their energy, change the hearts of those who exploit and enslave others for profit. But I think I still had hope they could. I know it will take thousands of ordinary people to rise up and and be willing to inconvenience themselves and do their part to put an end to slavery in our lifetime. I still truly believe it is possible, however, I now better understand what even I have been preaching “it is a marathon, not a sprint”.

Ahh, deep breath. It is okay.

I know other abolitionist moms who have been in this season before. Some have been here for a long time. And I can only imagine those on the front lines rescuing a young girl one day just to hear that she was re-trafficked another. Or those attorneys and social workers who work tirelessly on behalf of others waiting months and years for their cases to be heard. And then there are the victims. How long must they endure enslavement and exploitation? How long must they wait for someone to hear their cry, to believe their story, to rescue them?

Justice is tedious. It requires steadfast focus. It requires resilience and perseverance. It requires strength. It requires determination.

And yet it is okay. As I type these words I know this is also true. It is okay to go through slumps, to get off the roller coaster ride of trying to make a difference, and simply sit in my backyard and breath. In this act of simply breathing I am uncomfortably aware I am not in control. I am not a world changer. I am humbled, painfully aware that I cannot break peoples’ hearts to action. As I stare out to my very simple rectangle shaped backyard with its strip of grass and lemon tree, I am reminded I am not God. Only the God of the universe can break hearts that compel people to action. I know he is a loving and gracious God and I have never seen him force people to change. I have only witnessed God giving people choices. Sure experiences and circumstances happen to and around people which I think He can intervene, but how people respond to those situations He gives to them. I have known this first hand. This has been my experience.

I think this is my experience again. I am in a slump and it is okay…for now. But there will be a day – I would imagine soon, where I will have to decide to either stay in this slump or take a deep breath and continue on.

Writing my thoughts out is my first attempt to continue on.