The summertime blues has passed. In combination of long foggy days and coming off a busy season of writing and launching a book, I entered the month of June gloom. I don’t often get blue and so I figured it would pass with a few lazy days and some funny movies. But it lingered. It didn’t help that I developed a cold which grew into some nasty double ear infections. And so I began to wonder if this bluesy feeling wasn’t something more. At first I wondered if it was a type of depression, but I wasn’t so sure. I knew the weather played a roll and it didn’t help I was sick. I talked it over with a couple faithful friends and then I blogged about it. Soon after my bluesy feeling was out there it dawned on me that I needed to give it over to the Lord and so I began to write about it in my prayer journal (a safe place for me to throw up all my despairing, confusing, wondering, and doubtful thoughts and feelings.)
In time, the sun began to shine and I found myself enjoying the beach, enjoying my kids, and laughing. I still didn’t have motivation to write, to organize events, or even to read. And so I let it go. I continued to pray, but I let it go. I let trying to understand how I was feeling or trying to motivate myself to some sort of project. Instead I went boogie boarding, even one day leaving my kids at home and going to the beach alone. I did not run, but instead took walks with my dog. I didn’t go to the gym, not even once. I waisted time. I did not accomplish much.
Now that summer is behind us and my kids are back at school and we are conforming to a schedule of meals, school, activities, and eventually holidays, I can see a little more clearly what happened.
It wasn’t intentional or thoughtful or planned, but God’s hand was upon it. I had a sabbatical.
A sabbatical, a long time of rest, of lingering and wandering and simply living each day as it comes. I now see it. It was needed. It was good. And I am deeply thankful.